January 21, 2025
What is up, my fellow Earth beings? I hope the new year is treating you well.
I’m giggling internally because the way I censored the title of this post makes me think of Moth Man. Speaking of which, you can make your own Moth man plush at Build-A-Bear right now. And thank goodness he’s naked because that Build-A-Bear Workshop really knows how to put the hurt on your wallet and emotions. But I digress.
So, the new year. It is 2025. Yep. And a like a breath-stealing plunge into icy waters I am reminded that I did, in fact, graduate from high school TWENTY YEARS AGO this May. I am a little old and I’m not sure how to feel about that. Oh, and also, I just had my birthday.
So, here I am, planning out all the great things I am definitely maybe going to accomplish; and all the ways I am going to completely turn my entire life perspective around and get organized and become likable and fit and toned and sexy and organized and productive and motivated and rich.
Last year I was able to attend church, public, and social meeting much more frequently and I even got a fun little weekly routine set up for my not-yet-in-preschool son. I am trying so hard to connect more and I think I’m doing it. And I do feel better having a reason to get out of bed and get dressed on some days, while still honoring those times when a social interaction would be too much, and I need to stay reclused for my mental health and the sake of my peers’ feelings.
This year, I want to be happier and more positive. I’m already trying to be kinder to myself and stop giving validity to the bully in my head. Maybe it sounds silly, but anime is actually helping me with this. The way the characters work things out and monologue it to the audience is kind of weird…people don’t generally explain their entire thought process and backstory aloud to a room of people…but, as a neurodivergent with Autistic and OCD related rumination this has been so helpful to me in sorting out my feelings and consequent actions.
For example, I just finished rewatching Horimiya and the gentle way Miyamura responds to his younger self has helped me be able to give the same gentleness and understanding to my younger self; versus attacking my entire character for perceived flaws that I have no control over and situations that I lacked the knowledge or experience to handle properly at the time. I can give my little-self grace. Or re-parenting the inner child as some people call it, I think. I’m just trying to treat myself with the same understanding and gentleness I would my own children. And it has been so healing to mentally go back and comfort and reassure the sad and scared little girl that I was…or still am. I don’t think you ever stop being a child on the inside. You just gain more years and experience. You learn how to manage emotions better.
A short story that relates this experience of age and has stuck with me all these decades since my escape from school is “Eleven” by Sandra Cisneros.
And since I’ve just turned 38 and don’t know a better way to end this post, I leave you with links to this same story so you may read or listen to it for yourself. And if you want to tell me what you think, please do. I will be awaiting your comments.
XO-Edie
Text only: https://www.connectedclass.com/wp-content/uploads/TEXT-Eleven-by-Sandra-Cisneros.pdf